"One adult and one child for the Hannah Montana matinee please."
"That'll be thirty dollars sir." the acne ridden dweeb behind the glass said.
I looked behind me to see if there were 6-8 other children this idiot assumed were mine but saw no one.
"I'm sorry" I said, "ONE Adult, and ONE Child" I repeated.
"I know sir. All tickets are fifteen dollars each"
Okay.
a) Don't call me sir. I feel old enough taking a 6 year old to this fucking movie to begin with, and,
b) WTF? Thirty bucks to see some trollop sing the same songs I have to hear 23 hours a day at home for free on the Disney Channel?
So I paid my thirty bones because I love my daughter like that, and asked acne-boy if the thirty dollars included a voucher to at least get a reacharound from good ol' Hannah on the day she turns 18? He just kind of gave me an odd look which screamed "Look you cheap-I-assume-you-are-unemployed-because-you-are-at-a-matinee-on-a-Thursday-fuck, you are holding up the line". And to add insult to injury, I spent the entire preview section before the movie concocting a completely ridiculous, yet plausible story for my daughter about what a "reacharound" is.
Anyhoo,
Slipping my airplane bottle of Capt. Morgan into my Coke, loading my daughter up on Sour Patch Kids and popcorn, I looked around to see if every other father in there had the same look of "Oh God, please don't let me see anyone I know here.", until I noticed I was one of only two Dads in the whole, entirely filled theatre, and he did have the same look, but at least I had rum.
Then, all hell broke loose. The minute the show of 85 minutes of concert footage started, the entire audience of 90% prepubescent girls went bat-shit crazy. Pop corn and 3-D glasses went flying as these kids were dancing in the aisles and shrieking so loud that only dogs could hear them. At this time, I did what any other loving and responsible father would do, and added another bottle of C-Mo to my Coke.
I will say, however, that the production of this film(?) was amazing. It's not the rinky-dink 3-D we 30 somethings are used to from such Oscar robbed films like Jaws 3-D, or Friday the 13th 3-D, where occasionally something looked like it might have came off the screen if you squinted hard enough. This truly made it feel like you were THERE. I even caught myself trying to wrap my hands around Miley-Hannahs neck to get her to shut-up before I realized it was only a movie.
On a side note, one of the pre-show previews which were also in 3-D, was for the U2-3D concert film that was just released. That looked fucking' AMAZING. I'm not the hugest U2 fan, but I will definitely be checking this film out next.
Sooooo....Scoreboard....
My daughter thinks I am the greatest Dad EVER, and I got to have a couple rum and cokes and watch her as happy as I'd ever seen her. THAT...Miss Montana, is the real meaning of "The best of both worlds"....
